The Single Girl’s Guide to Romance
pov: you're a Taurus and an expert in romanticising your life
I was taken down by the flu for the past week, and instead of taking that L, I tried to push through it and made myself feel worse. One thing I still haven’t gotten to grips with after 36 years is listening to my body, that’s for sure. I always think I know better and that I can will my body into understanding that I’ll be fine without rest.
But rest is romantic.
As Taurus and a single woman in her 30s, trust me when I say I’ve been romanticising my life since the dawn of time. Romance shows up in so many different ways, but is such a delicious part of being alive. We know it in many forms - in grand gestures, in quiet moments, in the early days of falling in love, in the years sitting next to a partner in bed, in TV, in film, in books and poetry, and even in our dreams.
I’ve only just started to learn that taking care of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, is romantic.
It feels like warmth and contentment.
I am learning to treat myself better than anyone ever could, by really understanding how to fill my cup, and handle myself with care, being my own soft landing. So let’s get to it…
Buy myself flowers
This is as simple as supermarket tulips, but they are such a small thing that brings a smile to my face any time I see them on my desk. Sometimes I’ll have them delivered to my house on Valentine’s Day or my birthday for it to feel extra special, but it doesn’t have to be. Aside from myself, historically my parents and my aunt have been the people in my life that have ever bought me flowers unprompted. My ex-boyfriend and I broke up the day after Valentine’s Day after he told me that buying flowers wasn’t really his thing and that he wouldn’t be able to do that for me. But! The beautiful thing about that is that I can. And I do. And I will.
And I have so many loving people in my life who would also.
Relish in being alone
With the work that I do, I’m often out at events a lot, or I’m out in meetings or networking so there will be weeks that go by that are very people heavy. That combined with trying to date, it can mean that I get burnt out really quickly so I have to give myself time to recharge. My alone time is so important. It’s hard because there is so much I want to do and see — I’ll want to take myself out and go to an exhibition or visit a museum, but oftentimes I’ll want to be in solitude at home. I won’t want to get on a tube or train, be in a busy cafe, or crowded museum. I just want to be sat alone at home in silence and enjoy the fact that I’m alone without anyone needing me to be anywhere.
Tell family and friends I love them
This is something I try to do as often as possible. Especially when I speak to my parents. It’s so easy to forget about, but I think that extending the love you wish to receive - and the love that you get - is just as important. In the moments that I feel loneliest and I’m feeling hopeless about experiencing the romantic love that I desire, I am reminded of what a beautiful community of people I have in my life. How much love there already is surrounding me and I just have to remember to put it out there to those people as well.
Have something to look forward to
As a self-employed person I’m pretty guilty of putting work first, and I find it difficult to plan things like holidays, mini-breaks, or even just take afternoons off to hang out with friends on the weekend in case I have work to do. Often jobs can come at the last minute, so that tends to be my excuse for being “on call”. But prioritising joy, rest, quality time with myself as well as friends and family is the most important thing. Being able to look at my calendar and see all of the exciting places and faces I will be seeing in the near future is a treat.
Take myself out
Often I don’t even plan this, but my perfect day is a Sunday that starts relatively early. Grabbing coffee, having breakfast or brunch, having a mooch around a market to search for some trinkets, more mooching around a bookstore, going to a museum or gallery to see an exhibition, lunch or picnic with picky bits if it’s warm, quick drink in the pub and be home before 6pm. Absolute dream day.
Have an early night
This is where “rest is romantic” needs to show up more in my life. I can get caught up in overbooking myself with work events throughout the week that by the time the weekend arrives it’s the only time I get to catch up on sleep. And I really need my sleep. That combined with a heavy TikTok addiction can mean I’m just giggling away at my FYP until past midnight despite my best intentions to wake up early for the gym the next day. So an early night with a book is where you’ll find me.
Read, read, read
I’ve always loved reading, but often what I’ll do when I’m lonely or craving intimacy is read my old journals. I’ve been writing in a journal since I was a teenager, chronicling every feeling of love, loss and longing I’ve ever had. I will go back and re-read my old, hopeful and heartbroken words as a reminder of how full and beautiful life is. Smiling and nodding along at each moment I thought it would be the last time I’ve ever felt so deeply. And pleasant surprise when new feelings sprung from the ashes of something long dead.
How much I loved, and loved, and loved.
How brave, how breathtaking.
About me: I'm Nicole, the writer of A Crumb of Romance. I’m the co-author of The Half of It: Exploring the Mixed-Race Experience, a content creator and the co-host of the award-winning Mixed Up podcast. Having been chronically online since the age of 13, you can also find me on Instagram, TikTok, Twitter and Pinterest.