✨ She's back in her LiveJournal era... ✨

Welcome to the Noteworthy!

Hello! I have to admit, I’m really trying to hurdle past the heavy weight of embarrassment hanging over my head right before I release this newsletter. Another newsletter? In this economy? Trust me, I know.

But also, you’ve gotta have brass balls to put your vulnerability out there in front of an audience, no? I imagine that’s what improv is like, although I can assure you that this is going to be anything but.

What’s brought me to this point is quite a few things, really. Three years ago, my aunt, my cousin and my grandmother died all in the same year. I separated from my husband at that time and we got divorced last year. 

I grew up primarily around my mom’s sisters, and we were all incredibly close. I come from a very matriarchal family on both sides.

I also grew up a Catholic (although I don’t subscribe to any particular ideology now), but that meant that, whether I wanted to or not, I had a very rigid interpretation about what my life was supposed to look like for me at the age of 34 - married, kids, house, etc.

From that point I was really struggling with my sense of self, my self-worth, and was incredibly fearful of what the shape of my life looked like in the future. What was once a very clear picture of the perfect life that I had set out to build for myself was ashes overnight. The family that I was born into and the family I had planned to create was no longer there.

The reality now is: divorced, no kids, and having to sell my house in the middle of a pandemic. At least my career is on an upswing (or so I’d like to bring myself to believe!)

Last year, I also reconnected with an old childhood friend, fell in love with him, and then we broke up, which brought about a new level of pain that I hadn’t experienced since my marriage ended.

The nostalgia that I had for our younger selves was dashed. It was like I lost a part of my childhood self when that relationship ended. I lost a friend. I was left completely unsure of what I was doing and who I would end up with.

That break up hurtled me into the 21st century to join the masses on dating apps. The last time I was on a dating app, Tinder was the only one that existed. What I knew of online dating was only really comprised of of Match.com and eHarmony. Just to really drive the point home of how much of a millennial I am. 

How are the apps? You might want to ask. First of all, don’t.

Just kidding. A bit. If you have single people in your life who are actively dating or maybe looking for partnership you may have heard the horror stories from them already. Mine are fairly innocuous in comparison to other women that I know, but overall the lack of communication, the general confusion and the competition to see who cares the least just has me ready to lie down and give up.

It has taught me a lot about myself in a short space of time, things that may have taken me years to change about my own communication style, for example, would not have happened had I not been forced to interact with men who gave me absolutely nothing of themselves. Well that, and my therapist…

I’ve been a lover girl my whole life, in my relationships, in my former marriage, and with my family and friends, finding it all too easy to give out that love to others but almost actively refusing to pouring any of that into myself. I’m working on it. 

What you’ll get from me is my heart, essentially. Words have always been my heartland, I’ve always found it much easier to express myself in this form.

The newsletter will be essays from me of what’s been on my mind - vulnerability, loneliness, grief, heartbreak, imposter syndrome, your typical SINK (single income, no kids) millennial woman in her thirties type musings. That made this sound like a downer - it’s not all bad! I’ve always found there’s a hopefulness in being honest.

So if you’re ever feeling a bit sensitive, here’s hoping these words will be a bit of a balm for you. 

I’m so thrilled to have you here, I really do hope you enjoy! Please don’t ever hesitate to comment or drop me an email with your feedback. 

Of course, in true ~influencer form~, I can’t help but offer a few recommendations of what I’ve been enjoying ‘round these internet streets with you of course, which will land in your inbox every other week, alternating with these essays.

You’ll be able to find more spur of the moment recommendations on my Instagram stories, but on here you’ll have a bit more of a detailed review. 

About me: I'm Nicole, the writer of The Noteworthy. I’m also a content creator and the co-host of the award-winning Mixed Up podcast. Having been chronically online since the age of 13, you can also find me on Instagram, TikTok, Twitter and Pinterest. I’m working on my first book, The Half Of It, which you can pre-order here.